湿疹可以用硫磺皂洗吗:接受不完美

“所有值得的东西都是急不来的，不是季节，生日，死亡，一天的开始或是结束，耐心使这些事物有意义。”琼 安德森

I have learned that you do not mess with the sea. Ever since being caught in a rip tide and rendered helpless several years ago, I realized then, the power of nature. It makes the decisions. We don’t have a say. And yet when my assistant and I awoke to howling winds and whitecaps stirring up the sea in front of our hotel and noticed that there was no 7am ferry docking, nor passengers waiting to leave,  we hurried down to the front desk to ask the manager what was happening.

我了解到你再也不会对海感到惹怒，自从遭遇一次大潮和亲身体会到无助的时候，我终于认识到了大自然的力量。当我和我的助理意识到狂风呼啸和白色的浪花拍打在我们住的宾馆面前时，我们才发现早上七点没有渡船，所有等待的旅客也没有一个离开。我们急忙地跑到前台询问是怎么回事。

”They’ve told us that the ferry has been canceled for the day,” he said. “It doesn’t happen often, but when they make such a decision usually the crew is sent home and there is no reversing the plan”

他们告诉我们渡船已被取消了。他说：“这种事不经常发生 但是一旦发生就意味着船员回家了也没有相应的替代措施。”

“You’re kidding,” I said, more than upset that seven retreaters had still not arrived and all of our best-laid plans for opening day would be trashed. Instead of going to Plan B (of which there was none),  I instead chose not to believe him, a not so subtle arrogance rising within me. I deemed that the storm would pass over and surely, the powers to be would reinstate the ferry service later in the day. After all, I had been coming to Iona for years and have never experienced such a thing! What’s more, looking out the window, all appeared normal. The sun had crested over the moors of Mull right on schedule, gulls were happily honking, and a family of unperturbed sheep had just crossed the hotel’s small front lawn to graze on a patch of lush grass. We sat down and ordered coffee, staring at one another in disbelief.

“你在开玩笑吧”我此时心情无比烦躁因为七艘渡船还没有抵达并且我们所有的计划都将泡汤。我宁可选择不相信他，也不会采用B计划（事实上没有什麽B计划），此时我内心隐隐有种盲目自信的感觉。我相信风暴很快会过去，并且渡船很快就会过来。毕竟我来到Iona已经很多次了，并且还从没碰到过这种事。更重要的是，看看窗外一切都是那么正常。太阳照常在沼泽的上空，汽车喇叭声欢快的响着。一户家庭正在宾馆前面的一块小草坪上放牧。我们坐下来，点了咖啡，意外地看着外面的一切。

“They say the best laid plans always change,” said a young waitress attempting to assuage our angst.

一个年轻的服务员说道：“最完美的计划总是要改变的。”他是希望让我们的焦虑平静些。

I looked at my assistant, shaking my head and wondering how we could adjust our perfect agenda.

我看着我的助理，沮丧的摇了摇头思考着怎样改变我们的日程。

“That’s the problem,” she said, “we were into perfection.” Indeed that is the problem with most endeavors that women get involved in. Be it a family wedding, decorating a children’s bedroom, planning a dinner party, doing Christmas—we always think Hallmark and attempt to make it memorable, if not perfect.

“这才是问题，我们希望完美。”事实上，女人通常把主要的经历花在家庭婚礼上，整理孩子的卧室，安排一个party，为圣诞节做准备—我们总是把特点记下来并且试着把它变成记忆，如果不够完美的话。

I recall planning my first son’s wedding on a budget and having my fingers in every pot to make sure (regardless of lack of funds) that it be perfect. Alas, after the grand occasion, I was a mess—so involved in every detail I could barely remember the overall event. Remorseful and disappointed, I tearfully confessed my feelings to a friend. She loaned me a book entitled, Addicted to Perfection, and from that day forward I became less the leader and more the participant.

 

我回忆着我的第一个儿子的婚礼预算，那时我希望把它做到最好。但是在最后我把自己弄得一团乱，因为细节考虑的太多我甚至不记得整个婚礼了。有些后悔和失望。我把自己的感受告诉我的一个朋友。她借给我一本书名为完美会上瘾，从那天起我变得少一点苛刻了。

So back to Iona—as it turned out, our stranded retreaters made it onto the next morning’s ferry. Those of us already on the island ran down to greet the newcomers as long lost friends rather than new acquaintances and they, all but kissed the strange ground as if they were true pilgrims. Waiting does not become most women on a mission and so no sooner had they stowed their bags, laced up their boots and grabbed their walking sticks then we were off.  If Iona offers anything, it is awareness to the elements, the land, the senses they evoke, and an immediate ability to welcome the serendipitous. This morning there was a sense that although we could not get the time back lost to weather we could get on top of what happened  and allow for an attitude shift. So instead of a band of moonwalkers adjusting to the island’s energy, we became a band of hearty and eager trekkers marching with a determination and attentiveness,

回到Iona—我们的海滨度假要等明天早上的渡船才能结束了。已在岛上的我们欢呼的迎接新的旅客而不是失去的旧友，所有人都亲吻这里似乎他们是虔诚的朝圣者。等待不会很久，很快我们就收拾起行李，穿上靴子，拿起拐杖，然后们就离开了哪里。如果说Iona让我记住了什麽，就是那些情感，那块土地，以及面对突发事件的能力。这个早上突然领悟到虽然我们不能把丢失的时间，天气再要回来。我们能够选择面对这些事件的态度。所以我们不是为这座岛上的美丽资源而疯狂而是因为决心和毅力让我们坚定和前进。

“I am not what happened to me,” said philosopher James Hollis. “I am that which I chose to become.” Acceptance of what IS made us all the more eager for what could be or what was to be.

“我的命运我做主”哲学家詹姆斯霍利斯说道：“接受那些我们愿意的，决不放弃。”

Questions to Ponder:

仔细想想：

Surrender doesn’t mean quitting, rather it means giving in to circumstances and then standing back and letting the situation unfold. Imposing our ways and thoughts often misdirect the other. At the very least, when we try to play God or choreograph a particular scene to fit our viewpoint it becomes something willed instead of something that needs to evolve. Take this week and step back from confrontation, directing, fixing, offering suggestions and record how that makes you feel. It may be the greatest gift you can give yourself. In any case, for just this week, you will be off the hook.

投降不意味着退出，而是退一步，让事态缓解。执着于我们的方式和思维常常会适得其反。（下面这句话我不是很明白，但是应该是说要学会让事态缓慢的发展而不是总是跟着自己的意愿走。)